Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
