I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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