I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize