Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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