do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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