my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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