The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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