I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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