I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
