Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
