i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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