so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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