dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
