Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I didn't notice because vodka
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
