i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
should my penis look like a turkey
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize