hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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