Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
