Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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