dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
