wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
