I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
