My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
