whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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