i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I need to stop coming to work sober
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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