bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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