He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
