i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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