you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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