she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize