I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
