Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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