ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
