Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
