Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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