allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize