I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
