today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
