walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
