What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
