We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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