she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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