He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
