I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
