Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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