I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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