And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We're too hungover to prance.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
