I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
