that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
