Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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