By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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