At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
