he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
