thus making me awesome and them whores
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
