By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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