I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize