Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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