do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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