Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
why do cheetos always look like penises
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
