I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I have already put on my inside pants.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
