Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
