oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
