doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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