Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
