So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We left an ass print on the piano.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
